Snap

Summary: Meet, connect, cut, was the process...

Warning: Mentions of isolation and loneliness. It is somewhat a trigger, so do not read if you are uncomfortable with such things.

-Xxx-X-xxX-

You had always felt disconnected from the world.

Just imagine, a world so bright and so colourful and so vibrant compared to your world, a world so bleak and so dark and so blank. No light. No colour. No anything.

Just sound, smell, and touch. Other than that-- Nothing.

You grew up being called a freak. The kid with dark sunglasses. The kid with the metal cane. The kid with the weird handwriting. The kid with no eyes.

You grew up being called all that, so at an early age, you grew up strong. You grew up callused. Meet, connect, cut, was the process. 

Don't create lasting bonds, Pancho. 

Nobody cares, Pancho. 

Don't tie yourself to anybody, Pancho. 

The string will break, Pancho. 

It will pull you down, Pancho. 

It will snap, Pancho.

And you knew that. Knew that so well. Knew that with your mum. Knew that with your granddad. Knew that with everybody you have ever met along the way.

But why, Pancho? Why did you subject yourself to this? To this pain?

You tied yourself to him. You knew, deep in your heart, that it was wrong. That it was stupid. Tie yourself up, fall in love, let it strengthen. Idiot, idiot, idiot.

But you did it anyway. You allowed yourself to be tied. Stupid move. Stupid move.

And now what? Where is the string now? There it is, slipping away, unwinding from between your fingers, dancing away from your grasp.

But you fight it. You grasp at the string, wrap it tightly around your wrist, pull it toward you. It's chaffing your skin, scrubbing it raw, cutting your fingers--

Then you feel his hand go limp and you hear his last breath and the string snaps. 

And it lays there, tattered and broken and hanging limp on the floor. The remains of a silvery beauty. The remains of the only thing that has ever brought light to your world. The only thing that you have ever allowed yourself to have.

And you feel empty. You feel worthless. You feel frail. And small. And lonely. And-- And--

And unloved.

But what can you do? It's your fault. Why did you allow this, Pancho? Why? You brought him close. You brought him near. You allowed him to get under your skin. You fell prey to his sweet words, kind tone, and funny manner.

You allowed yourself to love. You allowed yourself to fall.

You allowed your soul to break. You allowed your heart to shatter.

Now what? You ask yourself, now what do I do?

There is only one thing you could do.

You gather up the remnants of the string (All gone, Pancho. All gone, all gone...) and you cast them out. Far into the void. Far away from your mind. From your heart. 

You cast everything out (Memories. Precious. Memories.) with it.

And you yet again shut your doors. You yet again turn your back upon everything.You yet again return your heart to its casket of ice.

But this time, you feel it harden even more.

-Xxx-X-xxX-

A/N: An AU wherein Pancho is a blind, detached boy with a screwy childhood. He's considered heartless, then he meets Miguel, somebody he falls in love with and entrusts his twisted and broken heart to.

Then Miguel dies from a long term illness he didn't tell Pancho about, unconsciously returning the blind boy to his previous, broken state.

I'm neck deep in my angsty feels, ok? *Cries into pillow*

Fun fact: Only Pancho and Miguel know each other in this AU. The rest of the Riverside students are scattered, leading separate lives.

That somehow adds more to the angst, doesn't it? DDXX

Ok, I'm gonna shut-up now.

More Power To You!

-Duchess Constantine Nihilyon